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Critical and Factual Predictions

A Horoscope

On April 20, 2012

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Aries March 21- April 19

Keep an eye on the plants in your yard. A money tree will be growing and blooming soon.

Taurus April 20-May 20

You will be whisked away on an unexpected and unplanned adventure. No need trying to prepare, you're just in it for the ride.

Gemini May 21 -June 20

You are too gullible and easily influenced. Don't believe everything you hear. You have enough intellect of your own to support yourself. Make your own opinions and assessments and you will reap the rewards of your confidence.

Cancer June 21-July 22

Your love life is on the fritz. You must decide whether your significant other is truly what you want in a person. Do they complement you as an individual? Concrete sentiments are essential to your happiness. Form them swiftly.

Leo July 23-August 22

You will create a modern invention, new to mankind. Patent it and claim your plot in history before some other greedy bastard steals it.

Libra September 23-October 22

Introduce yourself to the next sexy person you see. Be cool, and things will blossom into a magical relationship. Or perhaps just a night.

Virgo August 23-September 22

You are in a funk, and for the most part doomed. Keep your head up, not for pride or optimism, but to beware of falling anvils and pianos. That's just your luck. Dodge them and the upcoming weeks should shift you back into your smooth groove. But, you probably won't be able to avoid them.

Scorpio October 23- November 21

You will meet someone famous. Kiss their ass and they might throw you a bone.

Sagittarius Nov. 22- December 21

Try something new and you will realize that rocks are no fun to live under. This is important for human development.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

You will learn an intstruement in an effort to prove yourself to another person. You will find that you are an incredibly talented musician and will go on to perform around the globe. You will become rich and famous.

Pisces February 19-March 20

Try your hand at fishing. You are destined to reel in the big 'uns.