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Angry Ani Speaks Out: Move Over! Prius Drivers

By Any Pytlewski

On September 16, 2011

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Whats up bitches? So as you all look through the second edition of this semester's The Critic, half of you flipped right to the opinions column to see if I was still angry one week later, and the other half of you flipped to the opinions column hoping that I, for some unknown reason, had been cured… of my anger. Well guess what, I'm Ani, I'm here, and lucky for you, I'm still angry!

So what's making me angry now? Well if you've ever been in a car while I was driving, you've probably been afraid for your life, but you may have figured out how angry "people who think they own the road just because they drive a freaking Prius," make me. I'll be on I-91, alongside of a Prius, and then next thing you know – screeeeeech! SWERVE! The freaking Prius just cuts me off. It's like they get up next to me, make eye contact, and then say, "Excuse me are you saving the environment? No!" - queue the swerve and cut me off. And in case the Prius drivers don't know, YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT. And also, go back to driver's ed.; there's a little something called following distance, and a turn signal you should learn about, which to my knowledge, still applies to a Prius. Oh, and if I didn't make it perfectly clear, YOU DON'T OWN THE ROAD.

People who ask to have some of your food AFTER they put their hands on it piss me off. I don't know, nor do I want to know, where your hands have been in the twenty-some minutes before touching my food, and I sure as hell don't want your hands on MY food to begin with. I have rent to pay, and I buy my own groceries, therefore keep your hands off. Want a grape? Ask me. I'll probably say no, but that's irrelevant. Bottom line, in a store, they always say, "you break it, you buy it." Well in Angry Ani's world, you touch my food BEFORE you ask, I'll probably call you out, make you feel like I think you have poor hygiene, and then write about how angry you make me in an opinions column. So please people, do the asking, before the grabbing. [That's what she said.]

Here's a quick one. IKEA furniture. I love the looks of it, but I'm currently sleeping on a bed being held together by LIQUID NAILS. As for the owner of IKEA, a man who is richer than Bill Gates, I feel like his bajillion dollar company can come up with something more durable than wooden pegs that don't stay in the hole long enough to support a bed frame throughout the night.

What else makes me angry? People who claim they aren't judgmental. Let me just say, that's impossible. We're human, and we all judge. I judge, and so do you. You're probably judging me as you read this. Good or bad, EVERYONE JUDGES. So don't act like you're above someone because your hair is your natural brown and their hair is blue and they're walking around with a shirt on that says, "Tastes like chicken." You're judging; good judging, or bad judging, we are all judgmental.

Finally, girls that wear clothes that are two sizes too small, make me angry. Before I even get into how bad it looks, can we just talk about how freaking uncomfortable that must feel? I mean, I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about it. The stiffness of jeans, squeezing all the wrong places, the shortness of shirts showing all the back hair we don't want to see, and just the clinging of man-made material stuck to your body, makes me angry. As for how it looks - it looks stankin' haggard. There's a reason why everything isn't "one size fits all." It's because ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!

So there you have it; just a few of the numerous irritations that angered me this week and they just keep on comin'. Until next week, I'm Ani, and I'm angry and you'll hear more ranting from me real soon.