Angry Ani Speaks Out: Secrets and Surprises - Keep 'em to yourself!

Yo bitches! It's Friday! Or whatever day you decided to pick up the paper and read my article… I hope you all enjoyed me putting Dan WEINER, or should I say, "DJ CHROME," in a headlock last week. Also, I don't know if he purposely did this to piss me off, or he's just ten times the tool I thought he was before, but his new Facebook picture is him, in a mirror, with his trucker hat on, snapping a picture of himself in a Stonehenge communal bathroom mirror, and to top it all off, what is written like a two-year-old's signature in the corner? DJ CHROME.

Hey WEINER, you make me angry. Anyway… People I don't know, who give out way too much information make me angry. Have you ever had that friend who you met for the first time and within five minutes into your first conversation they were telling you about their record for how many times they've gone to the bathroom in a day, their last sexual experience, or how well their anger management classes are going?

Me neither. Why? Probably because if you tell me these intimate details about yourself within our first real interaction, I, like a large majority of other people, would be sketched out; therefore that friendship will probably be ruled out. This happens in my classes too, we'll be talking about females in general, and next thing you know, a girl whose name I don't even know is letting the rest of the students know that her last UTI felt like she was peeing out razorblades!?!? REALLY? I did NOT need to know that. I'm all about being open, but there is DEFINITELY a line that should not be crossed so soon. 

Here's a good one: Girls that take pictures of themselves on the toilet and then post them on Facebook make me freaking livid. WHY!? I REALLY JUST WANT TO KNOW WHYYY!?  I mean I think about this and it's like, you dress like a skank, therefore you're probably trying to attract some guys. Correct? Well what the hell is so freaking attractive about you sitting on a toilet seat, drunk, and with your pants down?! It's repulsive, in the slutty sense and the documentation-of –expelling-your-waste sense. And it makes me angry.

Loud cars make me angry.  Now I'm not talking about shanky-ass vehicles that are about to fall apart. No. I'm talking about legitimate newer vehicles that toolbags purposely take the mufflers off to make them loud. If people wanted to hear your car coming from a mile away, the muffler never would have been invented you dumbass. It's obnoxious.  You're not Vin Diesel, so put your muffler back on. Thanks!

And finally, surprises.  Surprises piss me off. Whether it's gifts, or news, or quizzes, or parties, they all make me angry if there is an element of surprise.  First of all, if you're SURPRISED that your FRIENDS throw you a party for a special occasion, you must have some pretty shanky friends.  You know what else I can't stand?  When people are like, "I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!" and you're like, "WHAT!? TELL ME!" Then, they're all, "Oh no I can't tell you because then it wouldn't be a surprise!"  REALLY? You're going to make me aware of the surprise, then NOT surprise me, until later, when you decide to SURPRISE me WITH A SURPISE? I freaking hate that. Surprises, and everything that comes along with surprises make me angry. 

So there you go bitches, all of the little things that made me angry this week. Until next time, I'm Ani, and I'm angry.