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Angry Ani Speaks Out: Trucker Hats and Slutty Coustumes, REALLY?

By Ani Pytlewski

On October 28, 2011

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What's up bitches? Week seven of Angry Ani and still going strong! To tell you the truth, writing this column this week made me pretty angry considering it was just one of the butt-loads of work I have to complete at this point in the semester and I'm sure every student knows that feeling right about now…

Besides classes, a lot of other things have been pissing me off. Like… TRUCKER HATS. I have to admit it, I myself wanted to get a personalized trucker hat on Tuesday, but I have my [favorite] four-hour geology class, which always seems to conflict with the CAB events I actually want to attend. Anyway, on our break, I found out that the trucker hats were already gone so it was already a lost cause, but I was wrong, the trucker hats were NOT gone, THEY WERE EVERYWHERE. Every freaking student had a trucker hat! Some people didn't even airbrush their hat; they just wore the hat for the hell of it, which also pissed me off. And for the people that did airbrush the hats, REALLY? Did you have to pick those toolish nicknames to put on the hat, i.e. DAN WEINER. You're name is Dan, people call you Dan, or like me, they just call you WIENER—NOT "DJ CHROME!" So don't put that on your damn trucker hat.

Nitpickers. Nitpickers make me angry. There's a difference between constructive criticism and nitpicking. Apparently, my article is so good, that the only thing people can do, IS NITPICK. For example, some "criticisms" (aka NITPICKINGS) about my articles are that I, "don't write in journalistic style," and I "use caps." SUCK IT BITCHES – I'LL USE ALL THE FREAKING CAPS I WANT. I MIGHT JUST TYPE IN CAPS ONLY FROM NOW ON… No, I won't, but still. The nitpicking is bullshit. I want some constructive criticism that I can actually work with, and not some bitchy nitpicking complaints. Thanks nitpickers!

Here's something you don't hear very often in my column, I LOVE HALLOWEEN! I love everything about Hallowe'en – the month of Hallowe'en, the food (aka butternut squash), the pumpkins, the CANDY[corn], and EVERYTHING ELSE.

However, like everything else in the world, there are certain aspects of Halloween that really make me angry. One of those, are slutty Halloween costumes. Just because it's a costume, doesn't mean it's an appropriate time to pull out the slutty card. I see bitches everyday pulling out the slutty card left and right and they sure as hell don't care if it's Halloween or Christmas, so why does every girl feel the need to dump it all out on my favorite holiday ever!? Why?! Why do they have to just ruin my day with slutty costumes?! Bottom line, slutty Hallowe'en costumes make me angry.

Another thing that makes me angry isn't necessarily about Halloween itself, but it's the fact that the day AFTER Halloween, people just throw up the Christmas decorations. Umm excuse me, what about Thanksgiving?! The harvest season isn't over! People just completely skip over my second favorite holiday, which is in fact Thanksgiving. Who doesn't love the day they sit around in their fat pants and eat until they fall asleep… or at least until their mom brings out the pumpkin pie. It just makes me so angry that there is no transition zone; I go from seeing kids dressed up as witches and crayons, and the next day there's an inflatable santa on my neighbors front lawn!? The jump from Halloween to Christmas makes me angry.

People who don't know how to Google, piss me off. You're probably reading this and thinking, "Who the hell doesn't know how to Google?" Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe, but there are people who can actually suck at Google-ing. One of those people is my mother. I love her to death, but I would NOT put money on her Google skills. Let's say she wants to know the capital of Nebraska. Instead of typing, "Nebraska capital," into the Google search like a "skilled" Googler would, my mom will type in, "I am trying to find the capital of Nebraska, what is it?" Or "What is the capital of Nebraska?" Google is NOT askjeeves.com, YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK A QUESTION, just put the actual subject you want to know and 99% of the time, Google will not let you down. My point is, bitches need to learn how to Google, I would say "Google it," but apparently some people suck.

So there you have it, all the new things that are making me angry this week. Oh and to everyone who enjoys my article, you should know that just because I write an opinion piece, the Critic editor claims my column is not considered "news." However, if you GOOGLE the definition of news, it is defined as: newly received or noteworthy information, esp. about recent or important events.

Well Eric Blaisdell, I AM giving the readers new information every week, and I AM providing information that should be noted so people don't piss me off, and everything I talk about is RECENTLY something that has made me angry, therefore, ANGRY ANI IS NEWS. The fact I need to even argue this makes me angry. So there you have it, all the RECENT, NOTEWORTHY anger causing EVENTS that I had to talk about this week. Until next time, I'm Ani, and I'm pretty freaking Angry.