Long Distance Lovin'

The future president of Lyndon State College might form a support group next year.

"I learned that there are several people who are in commuter relationships so I feel like I have a support group," joked Joe Bertolino in a phone interview about the long distance relationship he will have with Bill, his partner of 19 years, once he moves to Lyndon to take on the position.

Though most students might not realize this, many of the administrators and professors at LSC do not live on a day-to-day basis with their significant others because of work.

When Bertolino moves to Lyndon, Bill will be staying at their home in New Jersey while he finishes his doctorate studies. Though Bertolino and Bill have had a commuter relationship before, this is the farthest distance that has been between them.    

If Bertolino needs support, he could speak with dean of academic and student affairs Donna Dalton, who has been in a commuter marriage for ten out of the 22 years her and husband Clinton Charron have been married.

Dalton and Clinton met at Sugarbush while skiing in the rain.

"Not many people ski in the rain. We both learned something important about each other that day: we are both very serious about skiing," laughed Dalton.

Ten years ago, Dalton lost her job at Trinity College in Burlington because the school closed. Her job search led her to Gannon University in Erie, PA, 480 miles from her home in Whitesfield, VT.

"When I took the job, I said 'Okay, I can do this,' because US Air has this flight that I can take and at the time I was assuming I would come home every other weekend," Dalton explained. "Literally in the time it took for me to accept the job and move down there, they dropped the flight."

Flying every other weekend became unrealistic, so Dalton and Clinton would take turns driving to see each other.

"Very quickly it became I only came home on vacation," said Dalton.

After two and a half years, Dalton found the position at Lyndon. However, Lyndon is still 72 miles from Whitefield, so Dalton lives in an apartment from Monday to Friday.

"There are so many challenges. You miss things because you're not together-even if you talk everyday, it's still not quite the same as being there day after day after day," said Dalton. "There are things I forget to mention, sometimes its three days or three weeks, and it's like 'Oh I forgot to tell you,' and vice versa. Plus if you actually happen to like your significant other, that's a downside."

Sociology and Anthropology professor Janet Bennion has recently found herself in a commuter relationship. Bennion's husband of 10 years, John, is an Ojibwa artist. Most buyers of his Native American artwork are located in Montana and Wyoming, so he has moved there full time.

"It's just this year that we've engaged in a commuter marital lifestyle because all of his artwork is out west. People just don't spend money on art here in Vermont, they just don't do it," explained Bennion. 

John lives in a cabin in Montana, while Bennion currently lives in an apartment in Vermont after her Lyndonville house recently burned down. 

Bennion met John while visiting her sister in Billings, Montana.

"I read one of his humor columns and saw his photograph and that did it for me," Bennion laughed as she recalled. "So I called him up, we met, and both of us fell instantly in love. A month later we were engaged."

One of the biggest adjustments Bennion has made is learning how to live alone.

"Its kind of difficult when you're accustomed to having your man around every night, so I've kind of had to readjust my thinking," said Bennion.

But being alone comes with benefits.

"I'm remembering that I used to like it okay. I used to listen to cool music, so I'm getting back into my old rock and roll roots," explained Bennion. "Incidentally the students are helping me because I've been occasionally going to the Music Monday jams and learning to appreciate Electric Sorcery because its so much like the music I used to listen too."

Bennion believes a key to making a commuter relationship work is to know who you are as an individual.

"You have to strengthen your individuality and identity as a person within the relationship to really thrive. Commuter relationships can work if you do that and just enjoy each other when you can," she said.

Bertonlino anticipates traveling to be the hardest part of the commuter relationship lifestyle.

"Honestly, I think the hardest part will be the traveling itself. Because we are both in higher education we're  used to the pace and the schedule and we are used to not seeing each other during the week, which, to be perfectly candid, I think has actually helped us in our relationship," explained Bertolino. "It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for us." 

Bertolino hopes to see Bill at least twice a month, "We are going to try to work it out that I travel down once a month and he travels up once a month."

When asked about the transition from New York City to Lyndonville, Bertolino laughed.

"It will be a bit more of a challenge for [Bill] than for me, I am pretty comfortable living in a rural area," said Bertolino. "I remember thinking on the drive up to Burlington, 'Oh God, Bill is going to kill me.'"

Bertolino believes he will be able to make his long distance relationship work, especially after almost 20 years.

"I'll just get help from my support group," he joked.